Day Fifty Six

I have a lot on my mind today, I’ll keep it short in parts.

1) I feel like I’ve been having more mental breakdowns than I’d like. There are a few factors, one being I went off of BC to see where my body stands without it (been awhile). That turned out disastrous, but the reasons I went on it are gone (face issues) so now I can explore other options. But on top of that, I have a lot of fear building up in my mind that I’m trying hard to shake aside, but it’s been difficult. I fully and 100% admit that I’m afraid of returning to roller derby. It scares the pants off of me. I don’t want to get injured again and go through theses 6 months again. But I’m also afraid if I don’t return and give it 100%, I’ll let myself down on a life time scale. I also had to deal with the mortality of my parents on a small scale yesterday as they had to chat with us about their Will. I know it’s still a long time coming, but I still hate thinking about it so try to push it from my mind as best as possible. I know fear should never rule my life, but I feel somewhat bombarded by it. Thinking about seeing somebody about the fear of returning to sports, cause that isn’t something I want in my life and know I’d get some relief talking about it in depth.

2) Had a corner case of a 19 y/o female who died suddenly. Drugs are suspected, but besides that they corner put down that she was morbidly obese. I don’t know the results of the tests, but just seeing that was well…interesting, although sad. I know that obesity is on the rise and that people die from it. But at 19? This is just preemptive thoughts as she could have died from numerous things, but it stirred some thinking.

3) Despite all of that, there are amazing folks in my life that I pull a lot of support from. Dangey for one has been a huge asset and I like her no frill approach to problems, it helps center me, allows me to set goals and keep them. I fully expect that when I return to derby I’ve gotta try and keep up with her! And my coworker Neive, she comes in the office once-twice a week and every convo I have with her is a breath of fresh air. She supports my decision to return to derby and talks about how if the body isn’t ready to quit, you aren’t ready to quit. She gives me a lot of tips and tools to use to help finish my recovery and also has a wealth of knowledge that I can apply to my current routines. She gives me peace of mind that I find difficult to find at times.

Food:

  • Flax plus with banana chips, chia seed and FF yogurt
  • Milk
  • Banana
  • Garbanzo chicken plate with veggie salad, hummus, red cabbage, whole wheat pita and all good stuff. I can never remember all the greek food names
  • Banana chips
  • 2 hard boiled eggs
  • Pre-workout supplement
  • Protein shake with whey powder, banana, almond milk and low-fat milk
  • Hard boiled egg
  • Turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread
Workout:
  • Warmup
  • Dynamic stretching
  • BB bent over rows – 4 x 5 20lbs, 50lbs, 50lbs, 50lbs
  • DB incline bench press – 3 x 8 15lbs, 20lbs, 20lbs
  • BB shrugs – 3 x 10 20lbs, 50lbs, 70lbs
  • a) Body weight or assisted chin ups – 2 x 12 @ 64 (I had to go up in weight as I have a slightly pulled muscle in my stomach and didn’t want to aggravate it more than I should)
  • b) DB reverse flyes – 2 x 12 15lbs
  • a) Dips – 3 x 5, 54lbs, 40lbs, 16lbs
  • b) DB standing alternating bicep curl – 3 x 5 @ 20lbs
  • 1x 30sec speed skater
  • 1x 30sec switch squats
  • 2x 30 quarterback squats
  • 1x 50 shuffle step
  • Foam roller/stretch
  • Hot/cold shower recovery
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